Standardizing "how I like my empathy"

This an attempt to clearly communicate how people want to receive and give empathy. This enables people to be matched by preferences for an empathy session.

I want to receive empathy in this way:

– in silence until I say I am done speaking

– in silence until I stop speaking

– when I pause in speaking ask questions

– ask using classical nvc, Are you feeling X ? Are you feeling X ?

– ask using “normal” language

– asking using metaphors

I am willing or prefer to give empathy this way

– in silence until other person says I am done speaking

– in silence until other person stops speaking

– when other person pauses in speaking ask questions

– ask using classical nvc, Are you feeling X ? Are you feeling X ?

– ask using “normal” language

– asking using metaphors

I could imagine grouping your first three options under "when to ask" and the last three under "how to ask." Another dimension might be whether you prefer/mind the person giving empathy to reference feelings/needs lists or whether you prefer their attention to be more undivided, keeping their eyes on you for visual cues.

I like the grouping, “when to ask”, “how to ask”.  A way to provide clarity.

I like that the users preferred way to receive empathy is placed/accessible during an empathy chat.  I see this support effectiveness in providing empathy and ease for accessing the relevant information.

I find offering the check list and an open text box seems to be an effective way to maximum flexibility.  I can see some people loving the check list, providing clarity and ease.  Others, may find it confusing or too limiting.  Another plus to the list is it provides suggestions for what to talk about, whether the person uses or does not use the check list.  The list can support learning, clarity and ease.

Another aspect to consider is does the person receiving empathy prefer/mind the person giving empathy to reference feelings/needs lists or use the feeling/need words on a particular list.

I can see providing easy access to a feeling/need word list during an empathy chat as a way to support learning.

Maybe, ask various NVC groups to provide a list.  So, people can choose the list that works best for him/her/they.  Also, this can demonstrate there is no perfect or complete list or universal agreement among trainers/organizations, therefore support learning.

Some people love a feeling/need word list.  Some people hate them.  I see them as a tool that can make or break your nvc empathy.  I like the idea of providing a warning about the lists to support people's learning.

**************** My warning. 

The feeling / need word list are suggestions and a tool for developing vocabulary.  The list is imperfect and incomplete. 

People experience words differently.  The list can be an opportunity to discover how each person experiences words. 

Words are strategies.   Use the strategies that work for that situation at that moment.  They words may or may not be on a list.

Words are sounds.  Use the sounds and or silence that work for that situation at that moment.

Empathy is not the words I speak.  Empathy is my presence.  Once in the presence, I may or may not use words.

A group can use a word list to provide a guideline for the duration of the training for the purpose of stopping/reducing time spent on arguing over which words are and are not a feeling or need.  And, at the same time be open to discovering that for some people a particular word may not work.